Playing the Bill Lottery and Mommy Potty Breaks

Dear Juls:
What do you do when you need to tune out your barking dog, screaming child and whining husband?

-Rambler

Dear Rambler,

Barking dogs, screaming children & husbands who whine? Sure ways to ruin a completely hip, cool mom's day... So, what has truly saved my sanity on more than one occassion?!?

"All by myself" potty breaks...

Requirements:

Bathroom door that locks

Bathroom door that does not have a large enough gap between the bottom of the door and the floor for any person or canine in your family to slide any of their body parts under...(I'll leave that at that..)

Or even more important, the gap shouldn't be large enough to allow the passing of mommy potty break contraband (report cards that need to be signed, broken toys that need repairing, bills that need to be paid, doggy dishes that need filling)

Feel free to use some sort of "blocking device" to cover the gap..

Also helpful in ensuring tuning out of said family members:

An IPod.... but make sure it's not one you've loaded with your child's favorite cartoon show songs...(who wants to relax to the theme of "Dora the Explorer"?!?) .. but relaxing, old school, momma music-- You know, from back in your glory days?

Yep.... after an hour a few minutes of solitude... relaxing on your porcelain throne... reliving the glory days with the help of "Bon Jovi"... You will be a refreshed mommy/wife...ready to spend time with your chaotic brood loving family once again.

Best Wishes,

Crazee Juls

______________________
Dear Crazee Juls,
How can I pay the bills with less money then they add up to?

-Mo Money, Mo Bills


Dear Mo Money,

Money? Hmm--ahhh, yes. I have heard of this...and have even had a dollar or two a time in my life. No matter how many dollars or two I have...it seems that I could always use more. So, you can see that I've definitely been in your shoes before. Here's the answer that will solve all of your problems...
A little something I like to call "Bill Lottery." Here's how bill lottery works:

Make a list of all of your monthly bills... Prioritize that list...
Things that are necessary for day to day life such as: paying the mortgage, car payments, utilities, groceries and oh yeah...internet service bill make those top priority. Pay them first!!
Label these: "Must have to live"
Next, list your other monthly bills in a separate section titled: "Bill Lottery"
Things in this list could include but are not limited to:
Phone bills, medical bills, paying friends back, cable or satellite bills...
If after all of your "Must Have to Live" bills are paid, you have extra cash flowage...this is when the fun begins!
Spread all of your "Lottery" bills on the table...blind fold yourself...and choose a lucky winner of the month...For extra fun, have family members take turns chosing the lottery bill that is lucky enough to be paid this month...
(this doubles as family entertainment, you see, thus saving more money..)
Although it is a sad day for those bills who are not chosen.... luckily chances are friend you owe money, or those pesky Dr's offices won't be able to call you...that is unless, of course, phone bill won the bill lottery this month. When after a few months, your friend you owe money does win the bill lottery....what a happy reunion that will be:
"CONGRATULATIONS Bob! You won the bill lottery...!"
or if you happen to get a phone call *(because pesky telephone bill won the lottery)... You can always just sadly tell the caller, "I'm so sorry, you didn't win Bill Lottery this time...but you're already in the drawing for next time... Good luck next month...."

Happy Spending,
Crazee Juls